How To Make A Christmas Pudding - An Uninstructional Guide, Part: 2, The Wrath of Khan

 By now you should have been awakened by some shitty person pulling the fire alarm in your building. If you live around decent people I would suggest finding some alternate means of waking yourself up.

Step... Five?: Remove the Orange and Lemon peels. You can chop them small and leave them in if you like them or hate your friends and family enough.

Step Sixty: Add 335 mL of Brown Sugar, 15 mL of All Spice, and  7 mL of Nutmeg.

Step Seventy Seven: Add three lightly beaten eggs and 225 g of Vegetable Shortening. Traditionally, suet is used. Suet is a type of hard beef fat. I prefer to use shortening because I have a lot of vegetarian friends... Oh yeah, and it's a desert and I'm not insane.

Step: 8 E8: Add 185 mL of Self-Raising Flour and 625 mL of Bread Crumbs. You can also add chopped almonds at this point... I guess. Stir the mixture and let sit for 10 minutes to absorb moisture into the bread crumbs.

By this point it should look like cat vomit. Don't worry this is normal... it's English.

While the mixture is sitting I suggest getting a clean tea towel and placing it in a pot of boiling water. This will become clear when we continue in Part Three: The Cookening.